When you have to let sh*t go

Today’s post is a little different than what you are used to seeing here.

I try to keep my messages positive, but today I have to speak up about something that made my blood boil (for a moment).

It’s a true story and I’m sharing it because it’s a situation that many business owners face at some point and if it does happen to you (or already has), I don’t want you to feel blindsided by it or unsure of how to handle it.

The Lesson: Sometimes as a business owner you have to just let sh*t go.

Even when…

  • you know that you deserve better,
  • you know you are right,
  • you know the other person is making a dishonest claim or decision…

You have to move on and choose to focus on the good in your life.

I’m telling you this today because I’ve just had to make a hard “letting go” decision and as I was going through the experience, I realized that it was a great coaching moment to share with all of you.

The one I had to make involves a Beauty Biz practitioner who signed up for my 60-day Challenge, participated in the 1st four weeks (something she told us directly), and then she called her credit card company and said she didn’t authorize the charge (meaning she accused me of fraud). The credit card company processed a chargeback of the funds, taking them from my account.

Some things to note here:

  1. I had a refund policy in place for this program, but this person never reached out to ask for one.
  2. I can see in the system that she did access the material because it tracks when she logs in – it even shows the IP address of the person engaging in the training.

So how did I handle this?

First, we called the gal to see if she maybe was confused by the charge as it showed up on her bill as my corporate name (a detail that is explained on the original receipt, but is sometimes overlooked).

She responded by saying, “oh no I just got busy and decided to take the class at a different date.”

My business manger kindly explained to her that her actions are actually fraud allegations against us and can cause repercussion and / or disruption with my merchant account.

She professed to “not understanding that and that not being her intention at all.”  Given that, we asked her to please call and explain that to her credit card company to which she replied, “I can’t because I am too busy, I’m going on vacation, but I will take the class at a later date… maybe in a few weeks.”

— Oh! and get this… this gal also signed up for my free training that very same day. #what?

So we countered the dispute against the charge and sent a TON of proof that she did in fact purchase and partake in the program the program (we even have email from her asking about details of the program she’d just purchased).

I won the case… or so I thought because the money was released back.

Until, this morning when I received another letter saying that she has disputed it again – insisting and maintaining her stand that this was a fraudulent charge – and if I can’t send more proof I will be billed $500 in fees.

WTF? Sometimes systems are created to protect the WRONG person, right!?!?

— BTW, it’s because of people like her that our credit card interest fees keep increasing.

Cheating a system causes everyone to suffer as a whole.

So I sat with this and here’s my final assessment of the situation (the letting go part).

==> No matter what my actions are I am never going to change her or how she shows up in life.

==> I believe in karma and I am certain her actions cause A LOT of unnecessary chaos in her life.

==> What comes around goes around and how you do anything is how you do everything.

If someone is engaging in unethical behavior in one area of their life, you can bet they are being unethical in other parts as well and this type of action never serves anyone in a positive way. #Success #Crusher

The Lesson: Our decisions directly affect our outcomes.

She is not a beauty biz BCE (best client ever) of mine.

  • I only want to work with others who operate from a place of sincerity because those are the people who I see learn, grow and become successful.
  • I am proud to say my best coaching and training clients are full of integrity, kindness, professionalism and the desire to empower others… not manipulate, or take unfair advantage of them.

I’ll lose more than a few hundred dollars if I hold on to this – even if I win!

  • I’ll have spent time defending myself when I could have spent that time serving my BCEs instead.
  • I will have stayed in negative draining energy far longer than I want to and that has a ripple effect elsewhere in my life.
  • I will have let someone else steal my joy and I simply REFUSE to do that.


Now, we will take measures to insure that this person does not have the opportunity to take advantage again — that’s just good business — but beyond that, my time goes to the people who are showing up, learning and growing, doing their best, and making the world a better place.

My hope is that by sharing my experience, I might help you quickly overcome any business troublemakers that might come your way and to remind you that the (occasional) not so nice person showing up and testing your patience is just part of being in biz and offering services. It’s nothing you’re doing (or have done) wrong.


About the Author

A finalist for American Spa Magazine’s 2017 Women in Wellness Mentor of the Year, Lori Crete is a highly sought after industry expert and licensed celebrity esthetician. Owner of Southern California’s Spa 10, she is also the founder of The Beauty Biz Club™, a success-based society dedicated to helping beauty practitioners around the world fill their schedule, increase profits and break through to the 6-figure mark.